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Self esteem in children with
epilepsy
How
can we set about to achieve this? Self esteem is one of the most
precious qualities a child can develop.
With it the journey through childhood, adolescence to adulthood,
with the challenges of forming healthy and responsible relationships and
the skills and confidence to reach personal goals can be achieved.
For children with epilepsy, high self esteem is especially important and
it can sometimes be hard to attain.
Epilepsy for some is an ongoing condition and children can meet
with ignorance and misunderstanding about their condition from peers,
teachers, the community and even family members.
Coping with a condition which is
characterised by unpredictable and irregular seizure activity, presents
for the child situations that can lead to feelings of embarrassment,
rejection and guilt. As a
consequence, difficulties can arise (at school, socially with their
friends, and within the family) which make it hard for a child to have a
positive attitude.
Remember each person is unique
– there is no-one else in the world like you … So it is especially
important for parents/carers and family members to relate to the child
who has epilepsy so they do feel unique, loved and capable.
The ingredients you need to make
good relationships are affection, inclusion and control.
These psychological needs continue throughout life and enable us
to become self-loving and confident people.
Affection
– we all love to be smiled at and hugged.
Giving and receiving affection helps us all to feel loved and
capable.
Inclusion
– being part of the activity whether it be at home, school or when we
are playing, fosters a feeling of belonging with family and friends.
These experiences help us to feel capable and confident in social
situations.
Control
– we all need a sense of control.
For the child this is helped by consistency in relationships with
parents, teachers, and friends. Being
able to play a part in decision-making (taking into account the age of
the child) and goal setting helps to achieve this sense of control.
Here are some suggestions of how
to achieve this; you may have more ideas to add to this…
Understanding
Epilepsy
Nothing ever seems so
frightening if we have an understanding of it.
Discuss epilepsy in an open, positive way.
Honest explanations need to be matched to the child’s level of
understanding. Be open to
their feelings and concerns about their seizures.
Include the child in conversations, rather than talking about it
(that is the epilepsy) in their presence.
Building on their strengths
Everyone has their own
strengths, helping to develop them produces a positive self image.
Find out what your child likes to do and encourage them in this.
Using their strengths in areas that they find more difficult, can
often help them to achieve in that too.
Try to avoid making comparisons between brothers and sisters,
remembering that we are all different whether we have epilepsy or not.
Being positive about their achievements encourages a child to
continue.
Behavioural Issues
The child with epilepsy who also
has behavioural problems may be painted as the “black sheep” in the
family. This may affect the
way the entire family relates to the child and promote the difficult
behaviour. It is really
important for the family to turn around their attitude in this setting
and emphasize the positives in the child’s behaviour, which can often
dramatically modify the behavioural problems seen in the child.
Inclusion in decision-making
There may be a variety of issues
in day to day life that may be affected by a child having epilepsy.
Situations where you might have to give extra thought to managing
the activity are swimming, biking, climbing and for the older child late
nights can create some difficulties.
Helping to resolve these issues is a great learning experience
for the child. Living
positively with epilepsy and not being controlled by it is very
important. Overprotection of
children can be detrimental to their personal development and lead to
low self-esteem. To always
hear “you can’t” is very restrictive, but rather “how can” is
a much better approach. To
be listened to is esteem building for the child and to have their ideas
accepted, even though along the way they may have to make compromises,
makes the child feel that they have ownership of the decision.
If you learn to reach your own conclusions you can achieve your
potential.
Encourage
your child to develop a good relationship with their doctor
Just as parents like to be able
to talk openly with the doctor, so also should the child be encouraged
to ask questions and talk about their epilepsy.
As the child grows up they can start to take responsibility for
the day to day management of the condition, for example remembering to
take their medication.
It is interesting to note that
in the Chinese language the symbol for crisis is the identical symbol
for opportunity. Take the
opportunity with your child to have as happy, healthy and independent a
life as possible. It is
important to have FUN and enjoy each other’s company.
“WE
ARE WHAT WE BELIEVE WE ARE!”
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